


Burn

by CynicalArtistInGreen



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Poetry, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, M/M, R is very depressed, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 20:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20936378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynicalArtistInGreen/pseuds/CynicalArtistInGreen
Summary: A modern AU of R's life in snapshots.Comments welcome!!





	1. I

We met at school.  
He said hi to me.  
I said hi back.  
That was it, no sparks, no fireworks.

We had some classes together.  
I learned his name.  
Enjolras, what a nice name I thought.  
I didn’t yet know he burned.

I don’t know exactly when it happened.  
Maybe late November, early December.  
One day we just…  
Exploded.

He was filled with light and passion.  
He burned with the power of one thousand suns.  
He lit up my dark places.  
And cast shadows over everything else.

It didn’t take long for me to know I loved him.  
This strange man of fury.

We didn’t have a meet cute, a notable way we met.  
We just came together.  
Two broken parts that didn’t make a whole.  
But fit a little anyways.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: Lots of time skips

I love you, I said.  
His eyes widened with shock.   
Clearly he had not been expecting this.  
Before he could say anything, I spoke again.

I know you don’t love me.  
Relief graced his beautiful features.  
He gave me a hug.  
Our first hug.

He said  
we are still friends.  
I said okay  
and I meant it.

If there was one thing I knew,   
it was every little thing that made up Enjolras.  
And though he might care for me,   
he will always be disgusted by me.

Apollo’s little pet,   
his loyal dog,   
willing to do anything,  
for just one tiny piece of him.

I didn’t tell him,  
because I wanted him to feel the same.  
I told him,   
because I told him everything.


	3. III

One year later,  
Apollo asks me,  
why do you never date,   
but always complain about being single?

I resisted the urge to laugh.  
It was so obvious to me,  
and the rest of the world,  
that I was a goner.

I didn’t feel like lying that day  
I said  
because if I date, I will end up hurting the other person.   
The people I date can never be

my number one,   
my heart and soul.  
They can never truly have me.  
I can never belong to anyone else.

He looked mildly confused,  
my sweet Enjolras,  
intelligent in all,   
but the matters of the heart.

I love you, I said.  
He glared at me.  



	4. IV

Late at night,  
after finishing a long-winded debate about god knows what,  
we fell into bed together,  
and laid in silence.

Listening to the other breath.  
Something changed.

A spark flew,  
but not one of passion.  
It was like a soft tingle,  
A little glimmer of light in my heart.

We both felt it.  
I know that now.

Enj wouldn’t say I love you before me.  
He asked me 

If the world was ending, what would you say?  
I didn’t have to think  
I love you  
me too

Not an epic battle won,  
no kiss in the rain.  
He couldn’t even say I love you.  
But it was enough for me.  



	5. V

I cried during his wedding.  
Not for the reasons you’d expect.  
I cried in happiness,  
watching Apollo and his husband take their vows.

I wasn’t the best-person, Ferre was,  
but I was a grooms-person.  
I knew he’d never marry me.  
I was ok with that.

He was marrying someone worth his time,  
beautiful and intelligent,  
someone who made him whole.  
I also cried in fear.

Enj might be whole,  
but I am still broken.  
I told myself it didn’t matter,  
that Apollo came first.


	6. VI

I loved Enj’s kids.  
Sometimes I felt like they were my own.  
I lived with them,  
took care of them.

But they called me uncle R,  
not dad, or papa, or anything like that.  
Apollo’s husband felt jealous  
that his own children loved someone more than their father.

He put up with the cynic though  
even inside his own home.  
Knowing Enjolras needed Grantaire,  
and R needed Apollo.

He thought that maybe Enj wasn’t whole without R.  
He was too scared to test his theory.  



	7. VII

Our friendship  
no,  
partnership,  
lasted longer than I had ever hoped for.

We stayed together through our lives,  
still broken.  
But not as jagged.  
We sat in silence with our cats and books and tea.

Before long the silence was broken,   
with a heated argument   
about something utterly pointless.  
But at the end we smiled.

We always did like to fight.  
So we sat again,  
in perfect harmony,  
and enjoyed the other’s presence.

In moments like these,  
it was hard to remember our feelings didn’t match.


	8. VIII

I’m surprised I’ve lived this long.  
80 years.

So much pain.  
But so much joy.

I knew my love would stay by my side   
until the final end.

I only want to die in his arms,  
safe in our home.

I feel myself leaving this place,  
drifting into the wind.

Apollo looks at me with a completely soaked face,  
eyes red and hair in a disarray.

He says it first this time  
“I love you”

I smile as much as I can  
“I love you too”

I feel myself leaving too fast,  
and grow fearful

I need to do something before I go.  
“Kiss me”

He takes my limp body into his arms  
and gently kisses my lips.

It gives me the strength to let go,  
to say goodbye.

I did it,  
I kept him safe and happy,

The things I promised   
I would do when we were just kids.

The kiss was for selfish reasons.

I didn’t want to go   
without having the one thing I always wanted.


	9. IX

Images flashing through my head,  
Enj and I getting married,   
adopting children,   
holding hands.

Him looking at me with adoration in his eyes, not scorn.  
It would have made me happy  
It would have made me whole  
But it wouldn’t have made him whole

And that, ultimately, was what I desired.


End file.
